Being a Godly Spouse

Since getting engaged almost a year ago, and being married for the last 4 months, I have learned some things about advice.

First, advice is often given when you aren’t asking for it. I have been given advice about everything (and I mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.) about how my wedding dress should look, where the venue should be, the best honeymoon locations, what I should cook my now-husband for dinner… the list goes on and on. Initially, I was annoyed, to be honest, but I began to realize that what everyone was trying to do was help me. Show me how to do things better than they had or what they’d done that had gone well. So, even though I hadn’t asked, I started listening.

Second, I learned that advice does NOT have to be taken. For instance “You HAVE to have cake at your wedding!” - or so I was told many times. Guess who didn’t have cake at their wedding? That’s right. I had donuts. Although it’s important to remember that your opinion matters too, I also discovered that my instinct shouldn’t be to simply go against the advice just because it was advice. There were definitely some pieces of advice that have been very valuable. I was told “Let your fiancé help plan the wedding” - I did, and it was great wisdom!

The final thing I’ve learned about advice is that it’s rare to come across advice that is truly lasting and helpful. Yes, it was good to know that I should keep my husband well fed. Yes, it is valuable advice to bend your knees when saying your vows (so you don’t faint). But what about when my brand new husband and I have our first argument? What do I do when my husband and I both have crappy days and no one wants to make dinner? Why didn’t anyone prepare me for that? Well, I decided to go find the advice I wanted so desperately to hear.

For those who don’t know, I’m in charge of the social media posts for the church. I realized that there are probably many young couples (married or not) that would also benefit from some sage wisdom. Being in charge of the social media pages gave me a great resource to spread that sort of encouragement. My mission began. Instead of hyping up Valentine’s day and buying your spouse flowers and chocolates, I decided to use the month of February to give advice on marriage from the amazing married couples who attend our church. I asked tons of married couples one, simple question, “What do you do to be a better, more godly spouse?”

WOW. The responses I received were amazing! Couples who have been married for 4 months or 60 years all had unique ways that they love their spouse. I found so much encouragement from these responses and couldn’t wait to share them with everyone. Since posting them, I have heard from several people that they too have been encouraged from the advice (even if it was unsolicited).

So, just in case you missed it, I want to share their advice again. I pray that you are encouraged, motivated, and excited to constantly become a better, more godly spouse.

Dennis: She likes when I compliment her even as she is having a “bad hair day” or doesn’t feel like she looks her best. I often say, “You always look beautiful to me!” and that makes her smile.”

”Christiane: He likes it when I go with him on errands to keep him company, even if it’s to a hardware store or somewhere I’m not crazy about. I know he feels better about being together than being apart. Spending my time with him even if I’d rather be at home getting things done or reading, is like a love language for him.
— Married for 37 Years

Dave: “Cynthia does NOT like pumping gas. Any time I drive her car, I’m sure to fill it up for her. (Cynthia: One morning he even snuck out while I was showering because he knew I’d need gas to go to my mom’s ❤️)”

”Cynthia: “I try to be a good listener. When Dave expresses a want (“Beef, please!” I’m a chicken person) or need (“I need to make that appt...”) in passing, I try to get it done for him. He does so much for me!
— Married for 21 Years

Paul: “Being her constant support in all of her decisions, especially like big life decisions. For example, when she stopped working full time, going back to school and especially with her writing.”

”Jeri: “Sort of similar to his. I support him and believe that he can do anything he wants. Also, I let him watch MASH 24/7 practically.
— Married for 29 Years

Rick: “ I pray for my wife every night, asking for God to provide her with safety and guide her the next day - and she does the same for me. She is truly my best friend and we do nearly everything together - she even watches out for me to make sure I don’t overwork myself. She cares about everyone in our household and nurtures them even if they aren’t family by blood - she exemplifies the Proverbs 31 woman!”

”Dawn: “It’s not about me...or even my husband for that matter. It’s about what God’s word says about me and marriage. God created me to be my husband’s helper. Like it or not, popular or not, God said it, therefore I “try” to follow it. For a strong willed woman like me that is a challenge every day (sometimes, every minute) but that’s my goal. Sadly, I think I fail more than I succeed, but I’m thankful for a gracious husband and forgiving God.
— Married for 29 Years

Jim: “She helps center me on what is important when I feel lost, distracted or frustrated and helps me focus on the positive.”

”Shawn: “He can tell when I need a break or to escape. He gives me the space to unwind and recharge.
— Married for 13 Years

John: “I love how we lift each other up in prayer.”

”Carol: “John and I make sure to have a lot of fun together. We ride bikes, skateboard, and goof off whenever possible.
— Married for 22 Years

Henry: “Every celebratory card I give her, I always include how the Lord has blessed us with our family and what we have together in our lives. Each time I leave home I tell her, “I love you!”

”Diane: “The most important part of a marriage is a Godly husband and that two can become one in the Lord.
— Married for 28 Years

Eric: “Always make time for date night.”

”Debbie: “Always say ‘I’m sorry,’ ‘I love you,’ and ‘let’s pray about it.
— Married for 26 Years

Sherry: “Being a Godly wife looks like patience, sacrifice, respect, encouragement, and so much more. For me, it means that I am Daniel’s biggest cheerleader, his life-coach, confidante, and administrative assistant :) Daniel and I are best friends, so we spend a lot of time together and spend a lot of that time talking about the past, present, and future. We hold each other accountable and encourage one another and pray for each other. We have disagreements, and sometimes they are big, but we always work through it and apologize. And if our kids witnessed any of it, we make sure they see us apologize to each other. We also make dating a priority and model to our children that relationship take time and effort - LOVE is a decision, not a feeling.”

”Daniel: “DITTO! Just kidding. A godly husband is someone who puts his wife above himself and creates space for her to become like Christ. For me that is giving her the benefit of the doubt and encouraging her to become more than she thinks she can be.
— Married for 27 Years

Robbie: “I believe that spontaneity brings continual lifeblood to the adventure of marriage. I love calling Ashley while I may be at work or whatever and saying “You have 45min to get the kids to the sitter, we’re going out tonight.” or even as a family, “We’re leaving in 5min, and I’m not telling you what we’re doing.” Continually pursuing my wife, and my family unit by creating opportunities to connect even through this busy and chaotic thing we call ‘life’.”

”Ashley: “As wives, we are called to be the helper, and I do this by prepping and packing Robbie food and coffee in the morning for his work day. Because there are just some things they wouldn’t do if we didn’t do it for them. 😉
— Married for 2 Years

John: “Making and taking intentional time to serve and uplift Laury in even the small things (making coffee, packing lunch, getting gas, filling water bottles) is VERY important. There’s no such things as small things in a marriage!”

”Laury: “We spend time listening, reading, and talking about sermons and other articles surrounding our walk with Christ. We pray for each other and our family all the time.
— Married for 14 Years

Harvey: Don’t take each other for granted.”

”Dorothy: Spending time as a family keeps your marriage strong and keeps you connected.
— Married for 60 Years

John: “Love, trust, support, and balance! Love has never stopped since our first date and trust continues to blossom because Cindy is a godly woman. Support is critical in a blended family of 5 kids and now in Cindy’s expanded pastoral role but balance in our relationship comes from both of us working to be better spouses and understanding that we each have the best of intentions for each other. That and a little ice cream supports a good marriage.”

”Cindy: “I attempt to do little things each day to make John’s life a little happier and easier. We are blessed to have quite a clan of kids and grandkids. I make sure that we spend time with them each month because that brings us both such joy... and Papa John is a pretty awesome grandpa!
— Married for 22 Years

Bob: I believe the key to a lasting relationship is to give up self in marriage. Jesus so loved us that he gave up all so we can have eternal life in Him. Whenever I’ve put myself before Dana, I’ve failed, tearing down instead of building up our marriage. Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” But we’ve only been at it for over 30 years; still newlyweds!

”Dana: Yes, being selfless is the key, along with respect and making time with each other a priority. He’s also happy when I make him lasagne and cheesecake for his birthday.
— Married for 30 Years

Well now that we’re married, I guess it’s our turn to start passing on the advice, so here goes…

Jonathan: “Loving your spouse in the way they need to be loved in the moment is so key. I love the way that Ashley encourages me to be the best person and husband I can be.”

”Ashley: “Early in our relationship we decided to daily ask each other how to we needed to be loved that day. We still do this every day. I try to love him better each day by loving him how he feels loved that day, every moment. I love him by supporting him - even when his ideas seem crazy to me. Most of all I love him better when I remember that my love for him comes from my love for God. My love for him is not determined by how I feel, but how God has already loved me.
— Married for 4 Months


Ashley Denney

Ashley is an intern at CCC and runs the church’s social media presence. She also volunteers in various church ministries. Ashley works as an ESL teacher and tutor and loves being a housewife as well. She and Jonathan were married in October of 2018 and have a cat named Reese (who is more like a dog - which Ashley greatly appreciates).